whats wrong with me?

Why the hell cant I ever stay angry at you. Why can't i say things when I want to. Is it meant to be this hard?
I told myself, "you have to talk to him," and I was going to. But then I didnt.
I'm falling apart all over again. Every time this happens, the next day, I feel fine again. But no, now its all coming, and each day, im breaking apart. Whether I know its happening or not, i'm falling apart. But nobody cares, cos its the same story. I just think if I go on with everything much longer, ill lose everyone, and thats the only thing that's holding me together, everyone thats close to me.
I've let heaps of my friends slip away lately, not even noticing until couple weeks back. I'm trying to hold on to everything i've got now. But when im moody, I push people away. Do I drive people away? Do they just leave? Or is it just that we drifted? I dont know anymore.
I dont know why, but I know that school is important, and a bigpart of my life. Yet I dont give a shit about it. So now, when i'm actually trying, I just dont understand. It's maybe cos i've never understood. Like, i've never done well in school, the work was too hard for me. Seriously, the work is simple for others, but for me, i really struggle. I only had one subject I have ever done good in, but now, I suck at it. Now I struggle at all of my subjects, simply because I dont understand. Even if i ask, I still sometimes dont understand. Is there something wrong with me? Something wrong with my brain?
Meh. Mother wants me to go to university, like how the hell am I meant to get in with the way i'm going? Everyone thinks that I just dont want to try, but I do. I just dont understand it, I just dont.